San toi,

I've ignored everything for too long

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:58:07 GMT

And now every negative emotion is back with a fucking vengence. Every little thing is pissing me off. And it makes it incredibly horribly so much more worse when someone says things like, 'Haha its a dog chill out" or "Wow you're in a mood". The feeling is a combination between absolute hysterical anger and right before a panic attack. This is torture and I'm pissed and I hate that the only people attracted to me are fucking lowerclassmen and weird people my age and up. My skin is pissing me off because it is disgusting and I'm too lazy to do my hair anymore. My room is not clean and it is a reflection of my thoughts. Everything is everywhere and too cluttered and I can't see my floor clearly. Unresponsive people piss me off. Confusion pisses me off. People who are angry or sad piss me off. The fact that I'm behind on homework and have a chance of not graduating pisses me the fuck off. The fact that I cannot drink pisses me off beyond belief. I need to kill something, just fucking strangle something. I hate panic attacks. I hate shaking. I hate looking in the mirror and only feeling anger. I hate art for making us look in a mirror the whole class period and drawing a self portrait. I'd rather fail than look at myself and my flaws for 49 minutes. I hate that my brother leaves on Saturday. I hate that my dad doesn't notice when I eat except when I eat junk food. I hate feeling out of control. I hate feeling like I need to scream and yell and hit something. I hate feeling angry. I hate that everything is here now.

People that have meant the world to me at some point

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 06:46:12 GMT

Trevor
Nate
George
Stephen
Trevor
Gary
Devin
Nate
Trevor
Ryan

I thought the list would be longer, to be honest. I realize there are repeats.
I miss the old days.

Everything changes.

To you

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 05:43:06 GMT

The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.
I broke something, Old Man.
How badly is it broken?
It's in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I can't help you.
Why?
There's nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
It's broken beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces.

I am not refering to the book.

Forever is not so long

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 04:15:02 GMT

     Ah I believe this is the first time since the beginning of sophomore year that I am actually relatively excited about school. Sure I get no sleep but that is because I am somewhat eager to do homework and get that A I haven't seen since middle school! I am a loner at lunch because Ryan and Keri have 5th lunch whilst I have 4th but I think it's better that way because then I can get some homework && reading done. Oh, nerdy girl. This reminds me of the beginning/middle of sophomore year because I didn't hang out with anyone for quite some time but I always remained content and 100% drama free. Damn this is the last year I'll be in highschool. Damndamndamn.
     Life is coming at me fast and it seems as if my reflexes are slow.
And as always, I'm fighting the temptation to pay attention to the boys who show me too much. You say I need to ask for numbers but man, I need a break from everything. They've all been great in the beginning but it always ends up terrible. Hence the reason I hatehatehate relationships. I know it's pessimistic but it's a fact that relationships do not last forever. Whether it be breaking up or dying, it won't last forever. I don't believe in relationships. I've seen too many fail to have faith in them. I'm pretty content with not having a boyfriend.
     I'm so damn happy tonight and I've no idea why! I've had a lack of sleep and lots of homework and I can't wait for tomorrow or the next day. Something about the 'Senior Sunrise' on Friday where all the seniors wake up extra early to all go watch the sunrise. I've never seen a sunrise :P But I've been invited by two groups of people haha but I'd probably even go alone just to watch it. I'm going to make madeleines.
:D

I love art class yesssssss!
I'm going to go straighten my hair and go to sleep.
Goodnight!

All I would like for you to be

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:25:52 GMT

Charismatic Comforting Quiet Shy Loud Happy Mature Original Musical Artistic Smart Inquisitive

I am where I don't want to be again.

I want to meet someone new. There is so much to learn from someone new. I already know enough about people I know.
Perhaps it is not them, but me.

Haligh, haligh, an awful lie

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:51:25 GMT

I'm happy and scared and nostalgic and mad and nervous all at the same time
Because of the past
One last chance? I have always been terrible at making the right decision..

acdEfghijkLmnOpqrstuVwxyz

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 03:33:49 GMT

I've just finished my second book in 2 and a half days.
4 more to go.

Last week of summer break.
I have felt sad, angry, happy, nostalgic, lost, peaceful.
Now I'm just waiting for a fresh start, I know I always say I'm going to do better this time, and not mess up this year, but I honestly can't promise anything because I've proven wrong for the past few years. So I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see, and continue to wonder if I'm going to graduate or not.

This is my last chance.

But I'm sorry to say I'm not making any promises.

I always figured there'd be time enough

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 01:04:13 GMT

Dude these crest white strip things are sending a piercing pain through one of my teeth.
At least I gots white teeth :)

So I am sort of kind of actually considering taking senior photos. It looks kind of fun. So maybe. Damn school.

I need to figure out what to put on my ballet form so I can know what time it is so I can finish my job applications and get a job so I can have cash so I can sign up for drivers training. Maybe I won't do ballet cause I know it's going to be a pain in the ass for everyone to take me and drop me off.
:/

I can curl my hair now
Hah, what an accomplishment.

THE DARK KNIGHT IS THE BEST MOVIE IN LIFE.
And as sick and twisted as it seems, Heath Ledger was damn hot as the Joker.

Goodbye

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 03:17:58 GMT

I watched and waited with my 14 year old cat untill she died.
:(

I'm happy just because I found out I am really no one

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 07:42:31 GMT

I don't sleep and there is nobody who is up at this hour to talk to ~~at all~~ anymore.
I am
       sad
         numb
         n
         o
s       y                   s
    a e                  a
        disappointed
              g
              g
              restless
              alone     a
              v                 d
            sad
              t
              e
         sad
         a                                                                                                                                      s
         d                                                                                                                                      a                   s
                                                                                                                                          Why do I let you make me sad
                                                                                                                                                                       d

It's called a sense of humor, you should get one, they're nice.

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:04:05 GMT

The mean reds? You mean like the blues?
No... the blues are because you're getting fat or because it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

I find myself only capable of remembering and not knowing how to weave the next thread
It's like standing on the egde of a cliff and not remembering how to step back to live

I hate forgetting how to rid myself of sadness.

I'll dream about you, I will not doubt you with the passing of time

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 21:50:29 GMT

I stayed at Christo's last Thursday to Sunday. We went to Music in the Park on Thursday night and hung out with Katie Joni && Tori. On Friday we went to the Queen Bean and saw this really awsome band called Halcyonaire. They're from Berkeley and I swear they're so good. Christo bought all the CD's from the show and I bought a poster that the bass playing made. I had them sign it and they I guess were surprised because they've never had anyone do that before haha. The poster has mountains on it and a sun in the backround and on the bottom it says "Lord let the sun shine on, but take me away." The lead singer, Chris, wrote "Blessings on the journey for the 'Golden Heart'" and the bass player, Brandt, wrote "Thanks! Be blassed! Give hope to the sunrise."

Today I got a manicure && pedicure with Tessa which was pretty sweet cause we haven't hung out since summer even started. We got fatty meals at Jack in the Box after haha.

Summerschool is over which is great because now I can sleep and clean and do everything I need to do. I finished DriversEd yesterday! But I need to get a job so I can enroll in DriversTraining and get my permit.. I really want to clean the house too because right now everything is messy and ugly and I can't go out unless everything is clean :/

School starts in a month! That's hardly enough time to do anything but it's better than nothing. Ballet is over but it starts again in a month too but I don't know if I'm going to do it because my dad made such a big deal about driving me to class even though when I signed up for it he assured me he wouldn't mind driving me to class.

I think I'm going to go fill out some applications now...
Peace!

One of us will die inside these arms

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 04:50:35 GMT

Sunday I went rafting with my brother and his friends and his girlfriend.
It was hella fun except for the fact that I haven't spent time outside in about 2 years so by the time we were done I was bright red.
:(
And I missed the two days out of the whole week that I'm supposed to go to ballet. It really does hurt though. It hurts to walk, to get dressed...It's rediculous!
But it'll be over soon enough.

My brother leaves this Sunday. This is the last time we will see him before he goes to Iraq.
:(

Maybe I'll try drawing something for him! Idk if that would be cheesy though..I'm going to miss him so much. I hate when he's gone. It's so lonely and my parents are sad or mad all the time and it's tense at home. Nobody likes being home anymore but when he comes home we're all so happy. I know my parents love when he's home because he brings his friends over and the place isn't some dark, cold and sad cave that we dread coming back to everyday. When he's here he brings life back into us. I hate war. I hate hate hate hate war.

My mom had an appointment set for me to see a phychiatrist about drinking I guess because she wanted to talk to me and asked if I still needed to see someone about that to have someone to talk to. I told her no because I mean...it's time I deal with that on my own. I don't want to put that extra pressure on my parents. I think my only motivation to not drink is that my brother is always so far away. It would kill him if he ever found out I've been to the hospital. If he found out about any more of what he knows. I can't do that to him.
But as much as I'm over it I still want it. But I can't tell that to my parents because regardless of whether or not I want to they will send me to a phychiatrist. Plus all the stress that would be put on them..I don't want to be the reason they're stressed out or angry or sad or anything. I don't want to be the cause.

Usually one of the books I've been reading and taking my time to read calms me down and makes me peaceful and allows me to see things clearly but recently everything has been so tense and stressful that even the books' effects last such a short time. I find myself wanting to be happy and nice but instead I turn out to be angry and pessimistic. I can see that I'm doing it. I notice it and realize I shouldn't be doing it and I know what I should be doing but lately I just don't care. I need to relax.

I hope you're all doing well!
I want at least somebody to be happy.
:/

:/

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:05:11 GMT

Okay I know I'm only 16.
But my parents are killing me. You would think that since my brother came home they'd be super happy and in a good mood and optimistic for once.

But they aren't. In fact, it's the polar opposite. And they don't show it to anyone else, ESPECIALLY not my brother, but they show it to me. All I get from them is anger. Every word out of their mouth is something really mean. It's over stupid little stuff too! Every little thing. No matter what I do I'm an inconveinience or stupid or something that just puts them in a terrible mood.

So today, when my mom was speaking to me in a highly unpleasent tone (I'm trying to be nice.), I told her something along the lines of
Why do you always get pissed off at me. Every word out of your mouth for the past week, at least, has been to scold me. Do you think it helps? Does it solve anything? Do you think that by getting pissed off at me and making me pissed off because you're pissed off is going to make anything better? It doesn't do anything except piss us both off.
And she said
You're right
And got pissed off and acted like a little kid and slammed doors and closed doors in my face.
Because that's mature.

:/

Because when I take the public bus home I'm an inconvenience. And going to summer school doesn't make me tired at all, or the fact that it takes at least 2 and half hours to get home. You know I'm not tired I'm just a lazy ass right?

And does he sing to you incessantly from the space between your bed and wall?

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 00:52:22 GMT

I know what I want
But I've got the wrong one
I have been digging myself into a hole
As it turns out I was wrong, this is far from fun
And now all I have is a breaking heart to show

The right one is there
I've known it all along
The love I've been showing the wrong one
Is far from fair

They've been close
Ever so close
I think I'm going to have to end this
Because it will hurt too bad
I'm leaving them behind
It is time to depart

The right one is there
I've known all along
The love I've been showing the wrong one
Is far from fair
I no longer want to decieve
So from here on out I am taking my leave

What have I done..

My brother

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 22:39:34 GMT

Left to join the army on September 21.

My brother leaves for Iraq on November 1.

That is his birthday.

Polite

Sun, 25 May 2008 21:16:06 GMT

My parents are making me go to a college graduation party.
It's for the daughter of a guy my dad works with. My parents just want margaritas.
They think they can't go unless I do.
This is going to be so dumb.

But I'm trying to get excited by listening to dance music.

Je Veux Te Voir   - YELLE
Tiny Cities Made of Ashes   -   Modest Mouse
D.A.N.C.E.   -   Justice
Polite Dance Song   -   The Bird and The Bee
N.Y.C.'s A Graveyard   -   The Moldy Peaches
Holland, 1945   -   Neutral Milk Hotel
C'mon C'mon   -   The Von Bondies
Back In Your Head   -   Tegan and Sara
Tonight Tonight   -   Nice Guys Finish First
Explode   -   Uh Huh Her
Brother   -   The Organ
Courtship Dating   -   Crystal Castles
All The Things She Said   -   T.a.T.u.

Hey you

Sun, 18 May 2008 04:51:19 GMT

Ugh the shit never stops!

My dad found another bottle of alchohol in my closet, and my parents took my phone away and the idea of counseling has been brought up again.
I don't care to do counseling but I will not do family counseling.

I really want my phone back.
It's my only form of communication with certain people and I can't make arrangements to see them without a phone.
>:/

I'm reading Girl, Interrupted. It's really good and soooooooo well written. The movie is way different, though.
They're both good regardless haha.

I finally finished filling out my Little Caesars application after weeks of having it. I'm sure it'll take just as long to turn it in as it did to finish it. I also picked up an application for O'Briens and I sort of don't want to work there but hell, a job is a job and I need money. It's getting so fucking hot and I hate walking everywhere.

Goodnight.

Writer's Block: Friends and acquaintences

Sun, 18 May 2008 04:39:52 GMT

What differentiates a friend from an acquaintance? When does one become the other?

View 501 Answers

A friend is someone you can hang out with, talk to sincerely and trust.
An acquaintance is a person you know but you wouldn't tell them you're secrets or hang out with one on one.

I have many acquaintances and few friends.
:/

Can't match the right time to the right day so we might as well forget it

Sat, 03 May 2008 04:35:50 GMT

I haven't updated in a while because I got bad grades and my parents wouldn't let me on my computer and they took away my phone.
I have them both back :]

Today we had a 'Spring Fling' at school. It's pretty much where both lunches are combined so it's longer and all the clubs have different activities to do or food to eat and it was pretty cool. It was just really crowded and due to the ghetto-ness of my school, there were about 3 or 4 almost-fights.
Regardless, it wasn't that bad. I think I got a little burnt from being in the sun though.

I need to work on a couple of my pants. I need to take my time in measuring them right because that's always the part that gets me. It's always by just a little bit too, but it's just enough to make it wrong. :/

So far the past 2 art projects I've done have been framed and put up in the library and in the art room. Hopefully the one I'm working on now gets framed too.
I'm adding a bunch of music to my library.
C:

Cheers darlin'

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 06:08:44 GMT

So today I got in a huge fight with my friend about some stupid shit and she pissed me off to the point where I told her
"well its not like you said 'no i dont' and even when im wrong you dont have to be a fucking bitch about it okay so fuck you"

And with my other friend, fucking hell, man.
He broke up with his girlfriend and I thought we were talking, ya know. And then on Friday I don't know what happened but I think I said something and he didn't really say anything back and from there he started acting a little different.. So I texted him but over the weekend I tried texting him and he never texted back. On Monday or Tuesday he said he was busy all weekend, and I really didn't care, that's cool. But what made me mad was that he waited until the middle of the week to tell me he's going back out with his girlfriend. He's supposed to be my best friend and tell me everything like he usually does. But whatever, I don't care. He's his own person and he can do what he wants.

But I have come to the conclusion that:
I don't need friends. I don't like to attch myself to anyone because shit happens and it always does. I'm not necessarily saying I want to be alone, I'm just bringing up the point that I'm absolutely alright and fine with not having any friends.

Fuck today.
:/

Yo what's up

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:34:08 GMT

So even though some shits been goin down, I'm good.

I bought Juno today and changed the tires on my mom's car.
And I'm totally over the relationship-longing-status thing 'cause I don't care anymore. And I don't mean that in an emo giving up sort of way, I mean that in a finalllllllly I can stop wishing, you know? I don't even care, man. Whatever happens, happens.And whatever doesn't, doesn't. And that's cool with me.

In the ear of every anarchist who sleeps but doesn't dream, we must sing, we must sing, we must sing

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 06:05:54 GMT

So today in band class we were playing a song and for some reason we stopped and our teacher goes to the back of the room and I turned around one of our trombone players was on the ground. He was having trouble breathing and it was really sad, because there was nothing we could do until the nurse got there and it took about 5 minutes but it felt so much longer than that. We cleared the way so the EMTs could get through with a stretcher and we went outside until everything cleared out.
It was horrible, waiting outside and it was weird, because the second I heard the sirens I was immediately brought back to that night. The worst night of my life. I felt bruises on my arms that are long since healed and I kept thinking about that night. I've been thinking about it all day.
I ended up texting Martin, because he was there that night and I didn't want to text Julie because I feel so, so bad. I told Martin I wanted to know everything that happened that night because I have no idea what happened. He said he would call me later because it was too much to text.
I hope he calls soon because I can't think of anything else. It wasn't me. I wasn't there. I was in a depth of pitch black until they stuck a needle in my right arm and I was yanked into consciousness for a split second before I blacked out again. That's the only part of the night I remember after I fell.
I hope AJ is okay. I think it was an asthema attack.

I can't think of anything else. It keeps running through my mind and ever since that night ever happened I've been running it though my mind trying to remember. Remember something, anything. The only thing I know is that I caused too much trouble for everyone.
I feel so bad.

Why is it hot today?

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 00:54:08 GMT

1. Who were your last 3 texts from?
Tessa.

2. Where was your default picture taken?
My bedroom.

3. What's your middle name?
Lauren.

4. Your current relationship state?
Single.

5. Does your crush like you back?
This one doesn't, I doubt that one does anymore, and you, you confused me the other day with what you said.

6. What is your current mood?
Better than horrible, worse than fantastic. In the middle, I suppose.

8. What color shirt are you wearing?
Pink & grey.

9. Who has the ability to hurt you most?
I know it sounds lame, but it's whoever I feel the strongest about.

10. If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
Never drinking.

11. Where was the last place, out of town, that you went to?
Georgia, to see my brother at Fort Benning.

12. Ever had a near death experience?
I was at the hospital for alchohol poisoning.

13. Something you do a lot?
Text. Draw.

14. Who can you tell anything to?
Ryan sometimes.

15. Do you like Outland Night Club?
What?

16. Have you ever had a crush on someone you worked with?
LOL he was like, almost 30 && I'm 16!

17. Have you ever been cheated on?
No but I've been the girl a guy cheated with.
:(

18. Have you ever told a lie?
It's becoming increasingly harder to do so.

19. Did you ever do something you wish you didn't?
Drink.

20. Where are you right now?
My bedroom.

21. When was the last time you cried?
It's been a while.

22. Why did you cry last?
I forgot.

23. If you could have one super power what would it be?
The ability to go back and forth through time. Invisibility.

24. Do you wish you were someone else?
Naw.

25. What is your favorite tv show?
Pee-Wee's Playhouse!

27. Do you still like kiddy movies?
Not so much.

28. What is your favorite color(s)?
Green, blue, maroon, yellow.

29. What's your favorite season?
Autumn.

30. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing.

31. Do you speak any other languages?
I know a little bit of French.

32. What's your favorite smell?
PUMPKIN or vanilla.

33. Describe your life in one word.
Indescribable.

34. Have any tattoos?
No.

35. What are you looking forward to the most?
BALLETTTTTT.

36. What should you be doing right now?
I don't have anything to do but I did get distracted by this from attempting to draw a daffodil;

37. Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
My mother.

39. Do you like working in the yard?
Physical labour? No.

40. If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
Psh like I care.

41. Do you act differently around the person you like?
Naw.

42. Are you shy?
Too shy.

43. What is your natural hair color?
Auburn. (Reddish-brown)

44. Favorite place in the world?
Paris.

45. Where do you go to clear your head?
I haven't found a good place yet.

***

A
What word would describe you that starts with the letter A?
Artistic.

What is your age?
16.

What annoys you?
When I'm trying to draw something and I smear it or mess it up somehow. Or when I want to go somewhere and my parents don't let me. Or when somebody gets mad at me for NO reason what so ever.

B
Do you live in a big house?
It's pretty big.

When is your birthday?
October 24.

Who is your best friend?
I find it really, really hard to get close enough to call someone a best friend, but I guess my closest are Tessa and Ryan.

C
What's your favorite candy?
Hmm. Reeses or Kit Kat.

Who's your crush?
Eh.

When was the last time you cried?
Dunno.

D
Do you daydream?
Yeah. Man way too much haha.

What's your favorite kind of dog?
I actually hate them due to how obsessed with ours my mom is. She fucking talks to them like they're people and they're gonna respond. It bugs the shit out of me.

What day of the week is it?
Saturday.

E
How do you like your eggs?
I don't.

Have you ever been in the emergency room?
Alchohol poisoning.

What's the easiest thing ever to do?
I don't even know.

F
Have you ever flown in a plane?
Yeah and I love it.

Do you use fly swatters?
No.

Have you ever used a foghorn?
No.

G
Do you chew gum?
Hardly.

Are you a giver or a taker?
Giver.

Do you like gummy candies?
Sometimes.

H
How are you?
Pretty alright.

What color is your hair?
Auburn. And there's a random bleached patch in it.

What's your favorite ice cream?
I don't care.

I
Have you ever ice skated?
Yeah.

Do you play an instrument?
Cello.

J
What's your favorite jelly bean brand?
..........Jelly Belly?

Do you wear jewelry?
My elephant necklace that I got at the zoo with my brother&&his girlfriend.

K
Who do you want to kill?
No one.

Do you want kids?
No.

Where did you go for play school?
I didn't.

L
Are you laid back?
Very.

Do you lie?
Rarely.

M
What's your favorite movie?
Amelie.

Do you still watch Disney movies?
Hardly.

Do you like mangos?
Sure.

N
Do you have a nickname?
Devin calls me Cheesy.

What is your real name?
Chelsea.

What’s your favorite number?
7.

Do you prefer night over day?
Yeahhhhhhh.

O
What's your one wish?
To do better in school.

Are you an only child?
No. I have one older brother.

P
What one fear are you most paranoid about?
Drinking again.

What are your pet peeves?
I have a few.

What's a personality trait you look for in people?
Natural chemistry.

Q:
What's your favorite quote?
"After all these years, the only character I cannot understand is the girl holding the glass of water. She is in the center but somehow she is outside."
"Maybe she's just different."

Are you quick to judge people?
No.

R
Do you think you're always right?
No.

Are you one to cry?
Never in front of people.

S
Do you prefer sun or rain?
Warm rain.

Do you like snow?
Yeah.

What's your favorite season?
Fall or winter.

T
What time is it?
5:20 pm.

What time did you wake up?
Around 10:45.

When was the last time you slept in a tent?
It been hellllllllllla long.

U
Are you wearing underwear?
Yeah.

Underwear or boxers?
Boyshorts.

V
What's the worst veggie?
Onions.

Where do you want to go on vacation?
England, France, Germany, Italy. Anywhere in Europe.

W
What's your worst habit?
Ignoring things.

Where do you live?
California.

What's your worst fear?
Giving in.

X
Have you ever had an x-ray?
I think they took some when I had my braces put on.

Have you seen the X-Games?
What?

Do you own a xylophone?
No.

What’s your favourite scene in XXX?
No.

Y
Do you like the color yellow?
Yeah!

What's one thing you yearn for?
Love.

Z
What’s your zodiac sign?
Scorpio.

Do you believe in the zodiac?
Sort of.

Favorite zoo animal?
Hmm. I like the anteaters!

***

(()))(((()))))()))()) (( How ManY ))(()()()()()(((())))

Cookies could you eat at once?
Psh my stomach is a neverending pit of doom. LOL.

Pickles have you eaten at once?
I don't like pickles.

Times do you clean your room a year?
A year? Like 9843758234093 times. I hella clean it.

Times do you pee during the night?
I pee right before I go to sleep.

Times a week it is necessary to clean the house?
It shouldn't be a time a week sort of thing. It should be a clean up after yourself thing. But my parents don't understand that concept.

You bathe your pets in a year?
The dogs get bathed 1 or 2 times a month. The cats probably get bathed around 4 times a year?

You brush your teeth a day?
Two or three times.

Meals you eat a day?
Either 0, 1 or 2.

Approximate pounds of chocolate you've consumed in your life?
Idk, probably 63498753.

Classes have you failed?
HELLA.

Times do you cry a week?
Rarely.

Jeans that you own?
5 or 6.

Money in your wallet?
$0.00.

Times have you dyed your hair?
I used to bleach that little part monthly but I don't want it there anymore so I'm gonna grow it out.

Years you wish you could go back in time?
ALL.

Hours of Tv do you watch a day?
3 in a week, at most.

Times do you watch the news a week?
I don't watch the news.

Sodas do you consume in a day?
Usually 0.

Sheep do you want on your farm?
..........................I WANT A SHEEP FARM NOW.

Pets do you have?
Two dogs, 3 cats, 1 fish.

Do you belive in: (or support)
Ghosts? Yes.
Aliens? Yes.
Sex without emotional attachment? Yes.
Abortion? YES.
Our president? Sure.
Superstitions? Very few haha..
Botox? Eh I think it's for people who are unsure about themselves. But idc do what you want with yourself.
Plastic surgery? I don't care. For those who need it go ahead, those who don't, I'm sorry.
Politics? Fucking stupid.
Religion? It's interesting how many people believe in unproven things.
The bible? Never read it.
Yourself? Sure.
Marriage? It getting harder and harder to find a working relationship.
Divorce? It's growing.

IF IF IF..........
If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?
A NATIVE AMERICAN.

What would you accomplish as this person?
I WOULD NOT GET EATEN BY A BEAR.

If you could have any car you wanted, what would it be?
I really don't care but right now I'm looking at the Volkswagon Rabbit.
:D

If you could live anywhere where would it be?
ENGLAND OR FRANCE.

If you could go back to any age, what age would it be?
13, before I tried any drug or any drink.

If you were a fruit you'd be...
A peach :)

If you met an alien hed look like...
However it looked.

If you could change something about yourself it would be...
My skin and weight.

If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
Better appearance, WORLD PEACE, for my brother to come home.

If you could give anything to the one you loved, what would it be?
Neverending love.

If you become an animal of your choice after death, what animal would you be?
A bird.

If you could buy any company you wanted, what would it be?
I would buy all the fast food companies so I could demolish them and shut them down!

If you were up for sale, your ad description would say?
WHITE GRRL.

..Which one are you?..
You make the first moves, OR your bf. gf makes the first moves?
I'm usually too shy to make the first move, unless I'm drunk. :/

You are a city OR country person?
City.

You think more with Passion OR Logic?
Both.

You eat more Chinese OR Mexican?
I live in a smaller fucking version of Mexico.

You'd rather go to Disney world OR Universal studios?
I don't care.

You'd rather die with your love by your side, OR without them?
With.

You'd rather drink Milk OR juice?
Juice.

You'd rather go ona blind date or a date with someone you've known forever?
Date someone I've known.

You're a Cat OR dog person?
Neither, they're both needy little fuckers.

Smoothies OR Milkshakes?
Milkshakes.

You'd rather be a Snake OR a turtle?
Turtle.

You'd rather watch OR play sports?
I'm lazy. Watch.

Shy OR outgoing?
Shy. But I like outgoing people.

Night Owl OR Day Bird?
Nighttt.

Chocolate Cake OR Apple Pie?
Chocolate cake.

Comedy OR Romance Films?
Eh.

Commited relationships OR Free as a Bird?
Free bird!

Alternative rock OR 70s Disco Music?
Alternative rock.

Conservative OR Wild Party Animal?
Both!

Do you like your mate to be skinny winnie or have a little chunk?
Hahaha!

Rather get quilled by a porcupine OR stung by a jelly fish?
Neither, man!

My very favorite*~
Type of food: I'm a picky eater. :/
Font: I don't care.
Color: Green.
Animal: Chinchilla.
Place to be: With friends.
Kiss: Good ones.
Beatle:: Lennon :)
Topic/subject to study:: Art.
Celebrity:: No.
Channel to watch:: BBC.
Tv show:: Idc.
Type of mUSic:: Indie.

Can you....
Put your legs behind your head? Yeah haha.
Do calculus problems? Noo.
Eat gross foods for money? Nope.
Beat someone up? I wouldn't want to.
SWim long distances? Doubt it. I'm really out of shape.
Wrestle alligators? No lol.
Return a million dollars of you randomly found it? Yeah. If I can live without it before, it won't be a problem never having it.
Eat raw fish? Sushi, hi. :)
Love someone unconditionally? Yes.
Laugh at yourself? Yes.
Lick your elbow? Almost!

***

♥ ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIEND ♥
BASICS <3
NAME:: Ryan.
AGE:: 16.
BIRTHDATE:: idk LOL.
ZODIAC SIGN:: I don't know.

CHINESE ZODIAC:: >.<
HEIGHT:: He's probably...hm. 5'7" or 8.
WEIGHT:: Around 120?
HAIR COLOR:: Brown.
EYE COLOR:: Brown.
STATUS:: He recently broke up with his GF.

FAVORITES <3
COLOR:: Idk.
FOOD:: He's Mexican. LOL.
PLACE:: At home playing WOW.
FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:: In n Out.
RESTAURANT:: In n Out.
DRINK:: Idk.
THING TO DO:: Smoke the Mary J. Play WOW.

DO THEY <3
PLAY AN INSTRUMENT:: I don't think so.
SING WELL:: Hahaa ok.
DANCE WELL:: Doubt it haha
LIKE TO WORK OUT:: I think so. I don't know haha.
KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN:: Hella.

ARE THEY <3
SWEET:: Yeah.
CUTE/HOTT/SEXY:: Yeah
HONEST:: Noooo.
TRUSTWORTHY:: Eh.
COOL:: Sure.
FUN:: Yeah.
SMART:: Sure.
CARING:: Yeah.

HAVE THEY <3
BEEN HIGH:: Like every day!
SMOKED:: Yepppp.
BEEN DRUNK:: Yeah.
STAYED OUT ALL NIGHT WITH YOU:: Naw
KiSSED YOU:: Yeah we sorta made out LOL.
HUGGED YOU:: Duhhh.

DO YOU <3
THINK THEY HAVE A GOOD PERSONALITY:: Hell yes.
THINK THEY HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR:: He's hella funny :)
THINK THEY ARE ATTRACTIVE:: Yeah!
THINK THEY ARE A GOOD LISTENER:: Yes.

MORE QUESTiONS <3
HOW DID YOU MEET THEM:: I sat behind him in math.
WHERE DID YOU MEET THEM:: Math class.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN FRIENDS WITH THEM:: The middle of this year?
WHEN DID YOU LAST HANG OUT WITH THEM:: Haha it's been hella long but we hang out in the mornings if he gets to school on time.
WHEN DID YOU LAST TALK TO THEM:: Yesterday.
DO THEY HAVE A JOB AND IF SO WHERE AT:: Nope.
DO THEY LIKE ANYONE AND IF SO WHO:: I don't know man.

FINAL QUESTiONS <3
DO THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU:: No, I lied about who it was I had sex with.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM:: He's really cool. I used to like him. Idk, he's fun to be around.
DO YOU LOVE THEM:: Not like that.
DO YOU MISS THEM:: I just saw him yesterday haha.
WOULD YOU DO ANYTHING FOR THEM:: Not anything, like take pictures LOL.

Cheers to feeling optimistic

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 02:58:30 GMT

Yeah!

So I joined this community,

thinkpositive30, where you post one positive entry a day for....30 days. Today was my first day haha. It's pretty cool and I think it might help when I'm at my lowest.
Hopefully.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I left 4th period on Friday because 'my stomach hurt' which was partially true but honestly I wanted to leave because I am tired of everything. I am tired of feeling like a lazy ass because I sleep in every class everyday and have resulting in having almost all Fs. It's neccessarily that I don't care, it's more of a....I can't find inspiration to do anything. I used to have great grades, and I usually do great at the beginning of every year until I get bored and lose focus.
I KNOW WHAT TO DO!
When I did ballet I had this boost of confidence and okay, I know I failed that year but I felt pretty cool.
Sophomore year, the beginning of it at least, was my best year. As far as feeling cool goes. I'm not sure what it was but I felt like a badass!
I was original sucka!
I remember I went into that year not expecting a damn thing, especially not a guy, and I had so much fun.
But then he came into the picture and I thought about him even before I even knew his name! And then I joined that class and boom! he happened to be in it, and it all went to hell from there.
I just have to be happy and let life do the rest.

Confidence is originality, and originality is ME.
:)